" She has Awakened" 1996

"She Has Awakened"

She stands in compliance

as though bound by shackles,

in her own bed of torment

Tormented
by her passion,

she conforms so to live

With the pretentious mask

which deludes the marrow of her being

Yet,

in the light of her pageantry

A darkness whispers.....

She heeds the thunder

her vehement fire lurks

Though
still contained in her world of ice

She cries ,

warm tears

She struggles to unleash ,

be free

her desires

her fervors

she craves

sensuality ticks,

it breathes

How steadfast her mind and body screams ...euphoria

When lavished and caressed in a bath of passion

Seduction,

temptation,

her fears

These shadows
echo
to her inner being
they call her
friend

embraced
by a new ripened revelation of freedom

Tantalized
by the quench of her minds own poison

the perfume of her own destiny

This darkness
which whispers softly to her soul

Is the essence
of her hunger
in which she craves

As though kissed
with a profound truth

She has awakened..........

Khristina Lupinacci 1996

An Old Poem " Sea Of Dread" 1994

I've lost hundreds of poems--recently I found a few straglers from 1994 & 1996. I'm struck by my own inner darkness which seems to errupt in each poem..

"Sea Of Dread"

Clothed in ones own shadow
Like Black clouds at noon

She plays hide & seek with the devil

Like the sun eclipsing the moon


Curtains of dried blood cloak her eyes

Like warm breath upon colds mirror

Her flesh dissolves the lineage of bone

Anonymous walls become clearer


The copper pond reflects the broken wing

Like candles on a cake for the deceased

The three legged chair enables her void

She bought war yet sought eternal peace


Clothed in ones own shadow

Like Black clouds at noon

She plays hide & seek with the devil

Like the sun eclipsing the moon

Swallowing a star beneath the knot of hope

Just like the hooked fish

Her shadow dances on the walls

The pendulum makes a wish


Nobody's child bathed in the fountain of coins

As though placing ones own mortality on red

Seduced by the prophets promise of eternal rest

She sleeps ...
like the sharks in her sea of dread

Khristina Lupinacci 1994

" Take me into the Dragon City" 1994

Another old poem.....1994

"Take Me Into The Dragon City"

My well is full and overflowing
The Bulls horns seem to keep on growing
And I walk within the City of Steeples
Amongst the clones of Silicone people

Ring nosed brats and tattooed Johns
Pin Striped crooks and gold watch Dons
Lap top junkies and cellular heads
No dose C.E.O's on legalized meds
C.P.A sluts to the I.R.S
And Dole thinks he can clean up this mess?
"Greetings" said the bomb from the U.S.A
Any other Camal Jockeys want to play?

He never inhaled, so he said
Rumor has it that he sucks in bed

And the venetian blinds fall
Can't you hear the dragons call?
"Open the gates to the Dragon City"
My burdens are heavy, have some pity
Take me into the dragon city
Where neon lights shine so pretty
Take me there , take me there, please take me
Can't you see, I need to be, set free
Take me there, please take me to where
" The corona sky kisses the moon"
"And the cow jumps over the silver spoon"
Where the kamakaze winds embrace
Where the white faced tempest leaves a trace
Where purple mountains majestry
Dance all night, they dance with me
Where angels walk leaving footprints in the sand
Where rainbow's talk to those who understand
And the venetian blinds fall
Can't you hear the dragons call?

They come in herds,
Cyber slaving nerds
High heeled lords, and Wallstreet whores
Some own stores, some sleep on floors
They each face their daily wars
All in search to heal their scars
Some push carts, some push dope
Both wish to buy the dust of hope
Some own boxes , some own homes
Within the Dragon City tonight they roam
Open The gates to the Dragon City
My burdens are heavy, have some pity
Take me into the Dragon City
Where the neon lights shine so pretty
Take me there , take me there, please take me
Can't you see, I need to be, set free
My well is full and overflowing
The Bulls horns seem to keep on growing
And I walk within the City of Steeples
Amongst the clones of Silicone people
Ring nosed brats and tattooed Johns
Pin Striped crooks and gold watch Dons

Take me into the Dragon City
Where the neon lights shine so pretty
Take me there, take me there, please take me
Can't you see, I need to be, set free, please take me

Khristina Lupinacci 1994

My Soulz Ink ~ my muse , wet paint

In my prior life B.C. (Before Cancer) I was a writer working on a novel, a screenplay & hand dancing much poetic verse. It was my life & greatest passion. Since being diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in 2002, although the passion still exists. Sadly, I have not been able to re-kindle the fire & flame that once fueled my Souls Ink. Hoping to reclaim that part of me that went lost.

I recently found this post & a few others which were written before my diagnosis. I was sick & in daily pain.

Intuitively' I knew that something wicked like Cancer was coming, on Oct 21st, 2001-- a Bird confirmed it.

Sunday, October 21, 2001

Through assessment a mind scrolling of sorts I’ve come to realize “ I’m weary” I feel emotionally exhausted, thus causing me to feel frustrated. My dissatisfaction exhibits itself in many forms, often as though a separate entity has spawned itself from me. “Remember the Creature from the Black Lagoon”? So I embellish a wee bit. I’ve taking a breather from most things, a hiatus from obligatory, it’s autumn after all, and I must refuel. It’s been a bumpy year, a rough one many trials & tribulations it’s just catching up to me now, settling in like an unwanted visitor, who hasn’t showered in weeks & wants to borrow money.

Those who know me or rather love me best interpret my mood as bound toward them. This is where weariness begins; I’m tired of defending others from myself, excusing & clarifying, lather, rinse, and repeat. The truth is; I believe I’m simply weary from sustaining my stance. I’ve tried balancing this temple with opposing pillars for far too long. I want to let go, I refrain simply because I’ve rehearsed & prepared enough times that I dread the crashing sound of inner destruction, I simply just don’t have the fortitude to sustain the backlash. Coward! A knotted mess, this life be. I’m tired of untangling the good from the evils, so this large ball of bullshit sits like a Cheshire cat waiting, just waiting. Let it wait! I need coffee.

I am haunted I am the haunting. This wretched phantom lurks in quest of light, for a candle once burned here. Whether it was accidentally on purpose, by design, obligation or need, at any rate IT BURNED. Having affirmed this I am called to wonder, perhaps we are given one opportunity to glow, to shine, just one chance to burn brilliant. I allowed my candle to flicker out, snuffed out by self-doubt no less. Beaten by a weakling. Such a fool, such a fool, such is life, I’m told.

Striving to better, oft we mar what's well. Always striving for greater intelligence, the gift of truly understanding, how foolish of me. I’ve come to learn in perception or be it self-made theory, intelligence is an intermittent concept much like the timely or untimely spangle of a candle. The poet within me failed to see that without light we are without shadows. It’s the imagery of the unseen, the profuse glow of nothingness- that stirs the hairs on the back of our neck, awakening acuity. These shadows possess truths.

I chose to delve deep into the dark without recognizing its significance. Too dark I could not find my way back home, ultimately I abandoned my pursuit, and I surrendered. Coward! Requisite To say that a concept is polymorphous, I am simply a concept of an unknown source, laughs...say it isn’t so! Blind spots intrigue me, always will, demon plodding, I do what I do cause “ I must” no rhyme or reason here. Like a shark biting on a full stomach.

I’m distracted! Ever hear something outside the realm of what we know to be normal noise? Then hear it again & again. Propelling one to speculate whether this is the sound of madness calling? I had thought the chariots were approaching, unhinged madness coming to drive me home “ Swing low sweet chariots” Well’ wrong again Batman! Just when the world appears to be intact (HAAAAAA) a thumping occurs, thump, thump, drag. I’m laughing at the paradox of it all. Thoughts drop upon me like snowflakes,disappearing before I have a chance to consider the one before.

Normal noise, a world intact, a well-mannered madness calling ahead of its imminent arrival. How absurd! Unconvinced however I mirror all things, measuring mind against matter. Poor Bird, caught within the confines of consequence, been there. He/she (it) sought light, perhaps the intimacy of such rhyme and reason. I’m a poet assimilating of course, I do that. : ) This brave bird took the road less traveled only to come face to face with an undesirable outcome. Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind.

How clever stupidity can be when debts are low. Incapable of nourishing a notion for any desirable span of time, I find myself caught once more in wonder. I wonder if Poe had heard this sound too, I wonder could this be what Poe had heard? Is this the noise, which inspired Poe to craft “ The Raven”? While I pondered weak and weary.Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my fireplace door- Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, “ tapping at my fireplace door- only this and nothing more.” You see I hear this rapping, Though I’d call it a sort of tapping A tap, tap, tapping Upon my fireplace door. It’s a bird, I believe a Robin not a raven Seeking a safe haven Fluttering behind my fireplace door My children expect me to correct him With hopes that I’ll eject him Instead I laughed & said, “ Let him be” after all;

Nothing can come of nothing. Look at me.

There’s a bird in my fireplace, wrestling to get out, desperately trying to fly, be free. I can relate.

The bird came as a warning.

The Awakening of Feminity's Hysteria" 1996

"The Awakening Of Femininity's Hysteria"

Tread softly on my incubating tomb
For I am female, branded with urges
I lack a penis, though I encumber a womb
A new day gives birth, as the woman emerges
Breaking the ancient manmade mold,
advanced intellectual capabilities believed
Pre- existing theories become old,
nonconformity defiantly achieved
And I sing Dora, Dora, Dora on Freud's grave
he who pioneered the primitive theory of Femininity
Stone by stone permeating years of detriment as he paves
Befuddled with notions of genders inferiority to masculinity
Dr. Mandelet called them repulsive, abnormally insane
Resentment to authority created fear and male anxiety
Misunderstood, misdiagnosed from the masturbated brain
Intelligent woman were seen as witches of the occult society
Oedipal-Penis-Envy-sexual-repression
Edna refused to accept the boundaries of conformity
Leonce feared losing control of his possession
Dr. Mandelet saw her resentment as a mental deformity
Edna fought the walls of ignorance and oppression
And I wonder what Freud would say today?
Peculiar, mentally ill, hysteria or depression?
Hysterical grew from fear of mans intolerance of dismay
Freudians shallow phallocentric perspective closed doors
Femininity the frustrating enigma , mysterious and complex
The patriarchal society governed by male gender laws
Those who reject were declared insane, hysterical, and perplex
Mystical, pseudo-intellectual super-spiritual beings possessed
Mentally ill are those who exercise a degree of autonomy
Caged will succumbs in the confines of the female suppressed
Abandoning her feminine duties conflicting the sexual dichotomy
Disturbed was the female who sought more fulfilling accomplishments in life
Dora was a victim of corruption and assumptions in the wave of repression
Diagnosed by the hypocritical man who permitted incest and denied her strife
Her pain of sexual corruption was discredited as a sexually obsessed confession
Females have endure the agony of procreation and menstruation
Freud calls it penis envy, Mandelet says woman are inferior to men
Was it insanity, hysterics or ambivalence that provoked Lorena to castration
I wonder what Freud would say? she had a penis and threw it away..AMEN!!!!!
Khristina Lupinacci 1996

"Specter Of Mortality" 1996

"Specter Of Mortality"

Clouds sail above me

Like cotton covering pills

The sun goes down on my heart

The avalanche of sacrificing wills

I fuse corrupting poison with evil

Swallowing it into my head

Erecting my hands mirror to deliverance

A tortured ode to chanting dread

With the devil's tongue in my mouth

And God's white glove upon my cheek

I escape the specter of mortality

Eclipsed by the moon the sun is weak

I descend within the dragons mouth

As deaths shadow lurks in the wings

Like emptying the box of cracker jacks

In search of the purest plastic ring

With Pagans and infidels at their post

Extricated from my minds catholic home

Like the fragrance after a rain storm

The cross bleeds my hand begins to roam

Crossing over the perils and pitfalls

Into the cellar of galactic desolating hate

The icy tears of yesterdays child still warm

Alas the final confrontation I contemplate

Adrift the crossroads of my oasis capturing my eyes rain

Like sending postcards of yesterday to tommorows gate

I hobnob with my sorrow and lionize with my pain

Oblique words and turmoils wet paint my muse... my fate

Khristina Lupinacci 1996

Beckoning in Search of Reckoning

"Beckoning In Search of Reckoning"

Vacant hearted within the realm of my minds home
A fierce awakening ignites my brain to roam
The train door closes, and they come beckoning
Knocking on the chamber door in search of reckoning
Bemoans the grim phantasm of lurid remorse
Decaying war painted walls shed fading mossShaking today the skin of yesterdays halls
Flaking dismay and sin as destiny calls
Like sugar in tea, dissolving the pain of history
Disrobing the haunting curse of unfaced mystery
Rouge colored fragments peel and surrender
Carpeting the ground plaguing those who remember
Like lifes recipe, raspberry covered guilt
Every flower deserves the chance to wilt
We preserve the shadows of antique lands
So to see ourselves within ghostly hands
Madness manifests suffocating within the walls
We heed the melancholy screams as insanity calls
Echoing to the parade of marching shadows in white
Whispering secrets to black eyed angels in flight
Merciful wings stir an unrest of self branded humility
The mind spins the revolving doors of hollows futility
Stripped naked in the absence of eternal light
Comes the dawning of ancestral reflection tonight
I ask the vision within the mirror " Are We Happy Yet ?
And she replies with ghostly blackened eyes " Have we met ?
Khristina Lupinacci 1996

"Autumns Last Breath" 1996

"Autumns Last Breath"

I search beyond the realm of the painted sky

Beneath the leaves of Autumns last breath

Behind the remorse of one man's cry

Within the symphony of Beethoven death


Shaded by suspicions cloth

Within the tapestry of painted hills

The closing leaf comes forth

Bearing winters barren relentless wills


And destiny lingers with antiquities hues

The sky colored mahogany's sage

Autumns eternal breath within a muse

Amid the fields of tinted rage

Autumn graciously hints farewell

The truth falls upon my bitter sorrow

Cradled within an insipid hell

Whispers the death of tomorrow

Cornfields splinter with a story

Destiny's fantasy unravels endless dreams

The death of flaming glory

Eclipsed within the chorus of emerald beams

Khristina Lupinacci 1996

Oaklands Restaurant & Marina

One of my many favorite spots.

Amazing Sunsets, great drinks, delicious swordfish & the bay.

My Beautiful Little Goddaughters

Riley, Auntie ( Me) & Emily

My Peonies

Back Row: My Brother Bill & Me

Front Row: My two nieces ( Goddaughters) Emily & Riley

Super Saturday , August 1st, 2009

On August 1, 2009, Ovarian Cancer Research Fund's 12th annual Super Saturday will take place at Nova's Ark Project in Water Mill. Hosted again by Donna Karan, Ariel Foxman, InStyle, Kelly Ripa and Blake Lively Super Saturday 12 will feature its famous one-of-a-kind designer garage sale, kids'carnival, gourmet dining and exciting activities galore. Nova's Ark ProjectWater Mill, NY1pm - 6pm

My house

Cupsogue Beach , Westhampton

Wishing........Wishing............Wishing...............

Starr Boggs Restaurant---another favorite

" Forgiveness" 1996

"Forgiveness"

Forgiveness was my gift to you

Though stubborn as an ox

You exchanged it for something blue

And now it's bigger than the box

Khristina Lupinacci Dec 27th, 1996

Craving Sunshine

My Dog Luke

Hope has known the pang of suffering and the chill of despair......

Yes, I was a lost babe in the woods & you were the big bag wolf!

Little red riding hood---howls too!

May 11th, 2009 Another Fortune 52 Extraordinary Networking Event

SAVE THE DATE! Another Fortune 52 Extraordinary Networking event is coming up on Monday, May 11th from 6-8 pm at Oragin Nightclub on 1815 Broadhollow Road (Route 110) in Farmingdale.

I look forward to seeing you on May 11th!

SPONSORS TO DATE:
Verizon
A Taste of Home
Alure Home Improvement
Carpet Depot
Exclusive Eyewear
Fusion Wireless
Les Bons Amis
OraginR Promotions
Skin Deep
Vincent’s Clam Bar
Beverly Fortune
Chief Operating Officer
The Morey Organization
bfortune@moreyorg.com
516-284-3300 Ext. 122
516-284-3312 Fax
www.fortune52.com
www.kioli.org
www.longislandpress.com

Saturday, May 9th, 2009 -Association of Letter Carriers Nationwide Food Drive

National Association of Letter Carries Annual Food Drive Each May, the Long Island National Association of Letter Carriers (NALC) and partner U.S. Postal Service join with United Way of Long Island, Island Harvest, Long Island Cares, Interfaith Nutrition Network and the Long Island Federation of Labor, AFL-CIO, for the largest national one-day food drive.

Despite the incredible efforts made by each food drive partner annually, the number of food donations has dropped, as hunger continues to rise on Long Island. Approximately 259,000 Long Island residents suffer from hunger—93,000 of them children and 39,000 seniors. In 2005, the drive collected a record-breaking 1.5 million pounds of food. But, in 2007, that number dropped to 858,000 pounds. More help is needed from all Long Islanders to help stamp out hunger and feed their neighbors in need.

Each year, Long Island''s letter carriers are praised for their extraordinary efforts put forth to collect food for soup kitchens, pantries and shelters across Long Island. Last year, the 904,500 pounds of food donated by Long Islanders supplemented hundreds of thousands of meals, bringing the total contributions of food since 1995 to more than 16.5 million pounds. Still, this year, Long Island's hungry need even more help.

How You Can Help

Support your neighbors in need and help to "Stamp Out Hunger." Long Islanders are asked to leave non-perishable, food items next to their mailboxes for collection by their letter carriers, or bring food donations to their local post offices. (2009 Food Drive Date TBD)

For more information on how you can help or to find out how you can volunteer to sort and pack food, visit http://www.stampouthungerli.com/ or contact Long Island Cares at 631.582.

FOOD or Island Harvest 516.294.8528.

A Voice against Ovarian Cancer.

The Only Cure for Ovarian Cancer is early detection. Unfortunately to date there is not a test to detect ovarian cancer.

This year alone, more than 22,000 women will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer and almost as many will lose their lives to this silent disease. Because the symptoms are often not obvious until the disease has progressed, 70% of women are diagnosed too late for treatment to be effective. In fact, only one in five ovarian cancers are discovered in the early, most treatable stage – before the cancer has spread outside of the ovaries – when it would be 90% treatable. Fewer than half of all women survive five years after diagnosis.

According to the National Cancer Institute over 22,430 women will be newly diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in 2007. This year alone, over 15,280 women are expected to die from Ovarian Cancer. 1 is far too many!

Things You can do:

All women should know the following steps they can take to avoid being surprised by the subtle approach of ovarian cancer.

• Learn your family history. If any female members of your family – either on your mother’s or your father’s side – has had ovarian cancer, it is important you notify your primary care physician and your obstetrician/gynecologist. They can monitor you on a regular basis using a variety of diagnostic tests that are available to screen for ovarian cancer. It is also important to notify your doctor if any male family members develop cancer.

• Be your own advocate. Researchers have found that women experience symptoms for an average of 12 weeks before consulting a doctor. In addition, it’s known that women who ignore their symptoms or who wait until the symptoms are severe before going to the doctor, will not live as long as women who go to the doctor when their symptoms are mild.

• Monitor your annual check-ups. Make sure your primary care doctor and obstetrician/gynecologist conduct a thorough pelvic and rectal exam at every checkup. It is also important to have an annual mammogram beginning at age 40 and a regular colonoscopy after age 50.

If You Have A Family History Of Ovarian Cancer:

• Ask your doctor for the BRCA-1/BRCA-2 genetic test.Genetic testing can determine if you carry gene mutations that put you at risk for having ovarian cancer. Carriers of the BRCA-1/BRCA-2 gene mutation carry a 60% lifetime increased risk of ovarian cancer. Testing for this gene consists of a simple blood test.

• Make an appointment at a "high-risk clinic." At a high-risk clinic, a team of specialists will evaluate your medical history, ensure you receive the appropriate diagnostic tests and monitor your care. Among the tests that you may receive is the CA125 blood test. The CA125 screening test can be used to diagnose women who are at high-risk. CA125 is a protein that can be found in the blood and is useful in detecting and evaluating ovarian cancer. The test, however, is best used in combination with a pelvic ultrasound because its accuracy is only 80%, and is even less reliable when used to screen pre-menopausal women.

• Determine your HNPCC risk.Women who have a rare syndrome known as HNPCC (hereditary nonpolyposis colon cancer) have a 10% percent chance of developing ovarian cancer. These women should be monitored closely for signs of ovarian and other types of cancers.

It's not the years in your life that count.

It's the LIFE in your years..

Abe Lincoln

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover

Mark Twain

Lost my mind

or

found my soul?

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson

If life gives you limes~ make Margarita's!!

Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,

A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse—and Thou

Beside me singing in the Wilderness— And Wilderness is Paradise enow.

The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám

All the Kings horses and all the kings men
helped to put Khrissy back together again : )


then why do I still feel broken?

Intuition is the deepest wisdom of the soul,

I will abound...

I'm intrigued by something...strangely something I had not thought of or considered. While talking with a friend about cancer and my journey through cancer..My friend asked what were my chances? I said I was told that I had a " 20 % chance of surviving 5 years" she gasped, held her face , thought and added " that means you had an 80 % chance of dying" !!! " Oh My God Khrissy!!! Of course the math is easy--but why hadn't I considered that? I never once looked at it as an 80 % chance of dying, why?

Perhaps the smallest crack in a window gives us enough air to breathe..

"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."

Kurt Vonnegut

TIRED!!!!

Game On!

My Godfather

Khrissy & Uncle Bob

Khrissy

Long Island Skydiving

Long Island Skydiving.

I pass this place almost everyday, often stop, sit watch and imagine myself " going for it" .



Shifting gears---

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst...a spark that creates extraordinary results."

Acceptance response

In response to acceptance..

Acceptance, like you and so many others, I sought to find acceptance. I had hoped that by unearthing a sense of acceptance that it would launch me into a realm of greater understanding. Like a compass for my emotional well being, accepting cancer would get me back on life’s track.

Acceptance for each one of us is different, some seek acceptance as though a stepping-stone to what my friend Marylou refers to as ones “ New Normal”. Some implement acceptance so to rebuild their house of cards, others seek a new foundation, looking deeper into the meaning and purpose of cancer. There are some that accept as a form of complacency.

Within the laboratory of my own mind, I mixed and tried on for size many emotional potions, hoping to find the elixir of acceptance. I’ve come to learn, once you begin to move through and beyond the cancer, you will eventually reach that place .

I’ve accepted that I had Cancer, I’ve accepted that I may in fact recur someday, though I don’t hang my hat on it, nor do I nurture the thought too long, for fear I’ll cultivate it into a reality. It’s not a place I dwell, nor do I visit as frequently as I once had. Time has allowed me to evolve from the fear and uncertainty and regain some emotional equilibrium.

Accept & move forward ---these are components of rebuilding toward a happy life.

Wishing you wellness!

Hugs,

and so the journey continues....

Khrissy

The moonlight,
a poets wine
the pebble,
in the mountain of rocks
The syllabus of misery,
the ode of time
A dove found
in a crowd of cocks.

K. Lupinacci 1997

Crazy!

Nothing motivates me more than , spite