Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Intuition is the deepest wisdom of the soul,
I will abound...

Friday, April 24, 2009

I'm intrigued by something...strangely something I had not thought of or considered. While talking with a friend about cancer and my journey through cancer..My friend asked what were my chances? I said I was told that I had a " 20 % chance of surviving 5 years" she gasped, held her face , thought and added " that means you had an 80 % chance of dying" !!! " Oh My God Khrissy!!! Of course the math is easy--but why hadn't I considered that? I never once looked at it as an 80 % chance of dying, why?

Perhaps the smallest crack in a window gives us enough air to breathe..

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Wednesday, April 22, 2009


"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."


Kurt Vonnegut

TIRED!!!!



Wordle: yesterday

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Game On!

My Godfather


Khrissy & Uncle Bob

Monday, April 20, 2009

Khrissy

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Long Island Skydiving

Long Island Skydiving.

I pass this place almost everyday, often stop, sit watch and imagine myself " going for it" .



Shifting gears---
"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst...a spark that creates extraordinary results."

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Acceptance response


In response to acceptance..


Acceptance, like you and so many others, I sought to find acceptance. I had hoped that by unearthing a sense of acceptance that it would launch me into a realm of greater understanding. Like a compass for my emotional well being, accepting cancer would get me back on life’s track.

Acceptance for each one of us is different, some seek acceptance as though a stepping-stone to what my friend Marylou refers to as ones “ New Normal”. Some implement acceptance so to rebuild their house of cards, others seek a new foundation, looking deeper into the meaning and purpose of cancer. There are some that accept as a form of complacency.

Within the laboratory of my own mind, I mixed and tried on for size many emotional potions, hoping to find the elixir of acceptance. I’ve come to learn, once you begin to move through and beyond the cancer, you will eventually reach that place .


I’ve accepted that I had Cancer, I’ve accepted that I may in fact recur someday, though I don’t hang my hat on it, nor do I nurture the thought too long, for fear I’ll cultivate it into a reality. It’s not a place I dwell, nor do I visit as frequently as I once had. Time has allowed me to evolve from the fear and uncertainty and regain some emotional equilibrium.


Accept & move forward ---these are components of rebuilding toward a happy life.


Wishing you wellness!

Hugs,

and so the journey continues....

Khrissy

The moonlight,
a poets wine
the pebble,
in the mountain of rocks
The syllabus of misery,
the ode of time
A dove found
in a crowd of cocks.

K. Lupinacci 1997

Crazy!


Friday, April 17, 2009


Nothing motivates me more than , spite

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began. ~Leo Tolstoy

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Saturday, April 11, 2009


Never let go!

The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects the winds to change.

A Leader adjusts the sails.

The Double dipper

Let’s go, come on we’ll have fun, we’ll eat, we’ll have a drink, we’ll laugh, she promised. The thought of peeling off my toasty warm pajama pants and heading out into the cold rainy night, was not what I had planned nor anticipated.

She insisted -- I resisted ---ultimately she won, again. Not that I keep score, of course. Dread, sigh, whine, sigh some more, one would of thought that I just performed a 5 hour Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy and had just flown to Madrid and back. It’s was just dinner, afterall, snap out of it, the eternal party animal within me implored.

Peeling off my pajama pants felt as though I was removing a fetus from a womb. It was a long day, made a 6 a.m. train into Manhattan---in the last 3 days I’ve slept less than 10 hours-- my jammies meant I was safe and home. Once removed, I picked up speed and managed to meet Gabby on time at the restaurant. There she was standing out front with her Gucci or Prada Leopard print umbrella and matching bag, where was her papparazzi, I wondered? Gabby always in season, always trendy even in the pouring rain. I painted on a smile, adjusted my bra straps, gave a tug at my thong, which wasn’t really a thong till after I washed and dried it, I grabbed my bag and ran underneath her designer umbrella. We both still got managed to get wet, Umbrella’s are just like thongs, just never enough coverage.

So, it’s sooooo good to see you! I’m an affectionate person, I kiss and hug everyone- somehow Gabby takes it to the next level. After kissing my face atleast 10 times, she grabs my hand kisses that & pulls me down to sit. She says “ Okay ‘ What are we drinking? Gabby is a Carrie Bradshaw clone, truly a throwback from the Sex and the City era, I pause to consider whether Sex In The City was an era? I quickly dismiss the entire thought---as it’s a waste of contemplation. After all contemplation is a station where trains fail to ever arrive, things I refer to as time wasters.

Gabby will thumb through the Cocktail menu, read aloud the ingredients of many drinks announce she having a banana and like always settling on a Cosmopolitan. I’ve know Gabby for 15 years and not once other than that day at Mo’s wedding did she dare to try another cocktail, she’s been faithful to Cosmopolitan’s for 15 years, yet can’t remain faithful in any relationship, go figure.

Gabby’s a good friend, trying at times –needy too- but good for my soul. She knows me, I know her, we are equally similar as we are different and still we learn from one another. Gabby would be the first person to bail me out of jail- of course it would be difficult because she’d undeniably be locked up with me and most likely the cause for our incarceration. But, we’d have fun, we’d be laughing & most likely would be walking away from the jail having made new friends. This is where we are similar- we know how to have fun, we love to laugh, love to talk, love to make others feel good, everyone becomes family.

What are you having, she asks? Without spending too much time on a decision after a quick glance at the menu, I blurt a Frosty Melon Martini, Gabby ewwww’s and ahh’s as though she is in the midst of a love making session with Patrick Mcaughnehy. She begins reading the ingredients of my chosen drink as though she’s working on commission at a 1-800 sex line—she picks up speed –shifts into overdrive and gets louder—some are laughing—many are expressing shock by what they hear.
I begin to question why I left the comfort of my couch. “ Enough’ I say with a half smile yet annoyed tone. What” she asks? Just stop it, I insist Gab” then to ensure she knows I’m serious ---I give her the look. It’s a look I’ve developed over the years—people closest to me know “ it means” Momma ain’t playin” ! She comment’s ut oh’ I know that look!

The waiter arrives, immediately I knew he was in trouble-tall, dark, handsome, naive just beginning to sprout some sideburns.. Gabby transforms into the Cheshire cat, her tail begins to wag, her back arches, chest puffs out, she purrs, and for a moment I thought I saw her lick her paws—when I noticed that in addition to her Leopard print umbrella and bag she was donning leopard print matching gloves—of course, I thought. Flattered yet a bit nervous by Gabby’s obvious flirting the waiter suddenly looked like a young boy on Christmas morning—full of anticipation and wonder eager to upwrap the gift before him. He was nervous, excited and produced a facial sweat. I found it endearing yet disturbing too. I could tell he wished that his best buds were there to see the tiger he had snagged on his hook. As though some miraculous being had anointed him with magical dexterity. He kept looking to the left, and then to the right as though he hoped others were witnessing his luck. Gabby nibbled and then took a bite with her 40,000 dollar Davinci smile –she bit down on her gloves and slowly pulled her hand out as though a striptease had just begun. I wondered if I should stand to catch the waiter, he looked overcome with excitement; I worried from the look on his boyish face that he’d pass out. He looked at me several times; after all I was his only witness, who else could recount his luck? He looked again; his face read, “ Am I dreaming”? Gabby flirted some more, she called him a big bear, he commented on his roman nose and strong chiseled chin- he touched his face as though he had just hit the lottery, I was ready to vomit ---when suddenly I felt a hand on my back and a recognizable voice.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009


transcendental ideality of time


Dreaming again



I've begun to dream again! It's been nearly 4 years, seems the nightmares have ceased, giving way to dreams, lovely dreams. Silly, odd dreams but nevertheless dreams. I'm grateful for these tiny blessings that time and space has bestowed upon me.

I've lost a great deal since cancer. What I missed most was certainty & my carefree moments. Those silly little uncomplicated lighthearted moments in time where nothing else matters but the very moment.

an adirondack chair, toes cooling in the June grass and the discovery of a new freckle.

An august heatwave, sweltering still, refrigerated cool crisp sheets
the chorus of crickets, beckoning nostalgia with a faint shadow, hand puppets and a slow guessing oscillating fan.


Tomatoes half past ripening, Nana lip red, soft, unclaimed, calling
trickling from tongue, teeth, lip to chin ~just as the little puppy in the clouds wanders slightly to the left, losing his bone in the old ladies purse.

Care free moments; those which we never truly appreciate till they are gone..Those little silly and significanct carefree moments
I had never thought I'd ever regain either of them again.

When first diagnosed, I believed my world would always be bleak, dark & desperate, shadowed by the obscure grips of fear & uncertainty. How I longed for just a few moments outside this darkness, familiar flashes ~free of the terrorizing clutches of cancers ambiguity.

Dreaming represents hope, as though waving me on to the next stage of my life, the stage, do I dare say~beyond cancer.

4 years cancer free! I'm eternally grateful-though quick to remind myself that the potential for reoccurance is always there, sneaking, pending, inconspicuously waiting in the wings of my life.

Since cancer, I've discovered a new strength.... resilience!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Friday, March 20, 2009

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

Sunday, March 15, 2009


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Finest Flaws

The house is calm tonight
though the winds blow
It’s just enough clatter
to elude me from the noise

Earl Grey perhaps
In that dainty thin lipped teacup
the one with the long, fine, thin deep crack
It’s a pretty little thing,
the cup too


Khrissy Lupinacci
Introverts love Descartes : I think therefore I am, all I can know is in my thoughts.

Extraverts love the Empiricists : all we can know is what we sense in the external world.

(Note, introverts will say 'I', extraverts will say 'we'!)
We cannot solve our problems
with the same thinking
we used to create them.

by Albert Einstein

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Monday, March 02, 2009

The pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Kate's Cottage in Watermill

Kate has a marvelous little summer cottage in Watermill. They purchased it 15 years ago for a song, and just recently renovated it. It is absolutely darling, a fantastic summer playhouse. The cottage had been neglected, lost within a forest of overgrown trees and weeds. Like a forgotten dollhouse tucked away in a cellar, deprived of love and care. It was a sad sight, as years passed it became harder and harder to see the potential and possibilities. At last the little cottage found some loving. One can’t help but smile upon first sight, it’s as though a huge new energy and massive spirit have been brought into this little cottage that could. It smiles.

They hired Gene to redesign and build the landscape, which now includes window boxes bursting with flowers, spilling with spirit, enchanting gardens each with a theme, theory or philosophy, wonderful stone walkways, steps leading to secret gardens, stone walls and benches, A magical wading pool with waterfall, a pool house within the trees, an outdoor kitchen, a cozy fireplace, several hidden gardens which include a muse garden with amazing water features (Kate’s favorite, mine too). Amazing simply cannot describe the magical transformation that Gene and his crew created. They gave new life to this summer home. Kate and Marshall refer to Gene as the Sorcerer, I can see why.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Dreaming of Margarita's under a sunset!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Tears the souls water


Friday, February 13, 2009

under certain circumstances

Another starry sky, both Ursa Major and Ursa Minor are visible tonight.

While chatting with a friend this evening, I mentioned the beautiful star filled sky. She paused and asked, “ Why are you always looking at the sky? “ I hesitated while considering her question; was it odd or unusual that I enjoyed looking at the sky? Why do I look to the sky? Hmmmmm, I was without response. Better yet why don’t others? What’s wrong with looking at the sky?

I suggested that she step outside and take a look. She complained, “ it’s too cold”. “So put a coat on”, I said. She responded, “ I guess I’m getting old” although she and I are the same exact age, my response to her came with a punctuated tone “ Yes! You are! “ She laughed.

“ Let me get my coat” I listened in as she grumbled and fumbled gathering her winter gear, I’m sure she dressed in layers just to step outside for two damn minutes. She’s a skinny little thing, too skinny in my opinion. I admire a healthy skinny, a fit skinny, a tone skinny and even a natural skinny. But, she my skinny friend is frail looking, weak, tired and cold all the time. She doesn’t drink coffee because she thinks it has too many calories; it’s a sin in my opinion. She doesn’t eat fruit of any kind because it has too much sugar. She assures friends and family who comment on “ how thin she is” that she has an over-active thyroid. Once while attending a fundraiser, we ran into a mutual friend who neither of us had seen for 5 or 6 years, I could see the shock and concern in our friends face when she saw just how thin she had become. She inquired, “ Do you eat”? skinny replied “Oh my god YES!! I love to eat” she added which was overkill “ I eat like there’s no tomorrow “! Side-bar to thought: If there’s NO TOMORROW---Why would you want to eat?” She ( Skinny) turned to me hoping I’d be feverishly nodding in agreement. Instead, I took a sip of my drink, slightly rolled my eyes and showed a fake smile. It was only moments ago that she put herself in a tailspin obsessing over the calories she had just consumed after I convinced her to have an apple-tini with me. I could see the trepidation on her face. I almost felt guilty, as though I had just convinced her to eat meat on Good Friday or shoot a wounded doe.

Later that evening on the car ride home, she was quiet, sullen and seemingly sulking. I asked, “ What’s wrong”? “ Nothing” she replied. “ Something’s wrong” what is it? I asked. “ I saw you roll your eyes! She blurted. “ Why did you roll your eyes”? I felt bad, wished I hadn’t reacted that way. I knew while in the process of the roll that it was a bad reaction, bad idea, I never planned to roll, I didn’t want skinny to see me in the roll, it just happened…BAD APPLE-TINI”S BAD! BAD!!

“ I dunno” I blurted, still weighing out whether I should go there or not? I knew that if I reached in for that nut, I wouldn’t be able to let it go until I cracked the shell. With the red flag was still waving in my mind after witnessing her inner torment from consuming one lone apple-martini. This was the opportunity to openly discuss my deep fears for her health. In the past I’ve been delicate with my observations and expressed my concerns with a gentle caring touch. I’ve started the conversation on numerous occasions, she’s always managed to turn the table or change the subject. I’ve teased her about her obsession with counting calories made subtle observations and expressed worry. That night driving home from the fundraiser I was no longer gentle, no longer delicate, no longer worried about hurting her feelings. I was afraid she was slowly dying. I needed to crack the shell.

We both knew when it started, we both knew what caused and triggered her self-abusive behaviors and obsession to be thin, but only she could stop it. She agreed.

Khris Lupinacci


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Khris,

Your personal philosophy is right on! I love your single-mindedness, don’t ever apologize for it, you hear!! It’s the only way to accomplish what you hope to achieve. You are a big thinker with a huge heart, you give, give, give to everyone everywhere and lets face it, people take, take, take! You’ve created this! You set the path for others to take advantage of you?

Xoxoxo

Jo

Saturday, February 07, 2009

I choose Miracles




Wordle: She has Awakened