Of all the cancers to which women are prey, ovarian cancer is the deadliest.

March 6th, 2002

I received news that would inevitably change my worlds view & stance, forever.

The good news ” I was Not a Hypochondriac”

The Bad News “ I had cancer” Ovarian Clear Cell Stage 3 C – I was 38 years old, a wife & mother of two daughters.

Although I’d like to tell you that this news came as an utter shock & with absolute disbelief, the truth is strangely somehow I knew. I just wasn’t able to prove it, till it proved itself. I knew something was seriously wrong.

My body was under assault, feeling desperate I searched for defense.
I sought out many medical professional opinions, several internists, General Practioners, Gynecologist, Rhuematologist, Endocrinologist, Gastro, Proctologist, etc, etc. I received an assortment of diagnoses-nevertheless I was hopeful that just one would work, get me well & stop the pain.

I was told the back pain was sciatica, the lower back & groin pain was kidney stones. The fatigue was simply because I was doing too much, needed to slow down. The joint pain was fibromyalgia, the swelling was rheumatoid arthritis, Lymes Disease, Lupus or Sjogren's. The bloating & constipation was because I was getting older & I needed more fiber. The stomach swelling might be due to too much fiber, the abdominal pressure was due to the chronic constipation & irritable bowel. The painful debilitating periods were simply not concerning enough to warrant further examination. The urinary frequency was because I drank too much coffee & tea, the incontinence was because I didn't get enough fluids. The unexplained, yet rapid weight gain was attributed to my fatigue. The difficulty breathing might be sleep apnea, the leg pain was related to sciatica.
There was a cat that ate the mouse that ate the cheese that lived in the house that ignorance built & I bought it.


I could not stand for more than two minutes without feeling unrelenting pain.
I needed to sit every few steps. The back-pain was constant, cruel & severe. Ibuprophens became my daily bread.

Simple tasks were strenuous & grueling, I’d require breaks in between blow drying my hair, and applying makeup mainly because my arms & joints were weak & weary.
I’d take little bites of food, 3 bites of an apple felt the equiveant of consuming a thanksgiving day feast. My abdomen was growing, the shooting pains in my back & groin were worsening with intensity & frequency. I was literally consumed by constipation, laxatives, fiber and jarred prunes no longer provided relief, often I found myself constipated for up to 3 weeks. The slightest pressure on my abdomen caused tremendous pain, I couldn’t even rest my hand on my stomach while sleeping without feeling such pain.

Of all the cancers to which women are prey, ovarian cancer is the deadliest.

" Don't Pretend to Know Me" 1996

"Don't Pretend To Know Me"


How infernal still the words can be

Potent as poison with such animosity

Filled with nemesis and disdain

My birth , your contemptuous pain

Infallible the trademark you elicitate

Your quest, the relentless pursuit to humiliate

Belligerent, antagonistic, is my wall, my exterior

This wall I have been building since my anterior

My God, can't you see, the coldness

It was your hand, that created my boldness

Your words, infer still that I am deranged

Disillusioned and hopelessly estranged

Ha! Don't pretend to know me, you haven't a clue

Sadly though, I do know you

This image that stands before you, you once hoped to be

How egocentric, to try to deprive this right from me

Childhood wishes and dreams , lasted only moments in a breeze

Hatred and malice ruled my land, my innocence you did seize

In the blackened streets of the Dragon City , a child walked alone

You rejoiced you had back your serpent ,crown, and throne

Bitterness took me by the hand, spite became my will, my fire

Nonconforming, rebellious, raging, was my pill, I did sire

The aftermath of a child, enraged with pain, without a voice

Today, I am the Keeper of my land, with my power of choice

Don't you dare pretend to know me, you haven't a clue

Of my discontent, agony, and whispers tainted blue

You look into my eyes as though they will tell

It's my soul that holds the story , of the belly of my hell

Exiled, into a land unknown

Without a place to call my home

The unanswered questions still roam

They lurk within my every poem

Khristina Lupinacci 1996

" Kiss Me Tonight" 1996

"Kiss Me Tonight"


In the comely light of night

A midst the fires burning light

Blanket me your warmth tonight

While we whisper in delight

Taste the wine , embrace the flavor

Unclothed, the desire , we both savor

Exalted passion, unleashes , free

You become I ,....... I become thee

Perfumed with rapture of ecstasy

Tempt me with your willful ways

Take me into your flaming blaze

Impassioned with fever you sow

The seed of love we grow

Clouded spirits enchanted bliss

My soul awakened by your kiss

Quiver me tonight, I plead

Shudder me with selfish greed

Embrace me in your heart

Pull me close ....sweetheart

Wrap me in your savage grip

Take me on this yearnful trip

Dare me.... With your thirst

Kiss me softly ,..... deeply first

Blanket me your warmth tonight

A midst the fires burning light...
Khristina Lupinacci 1996

' If Only I was the Rock" 1996

"If Only I Was The Rock"


If only I was the rock instead of the stream

I would be inspired by this paradox

and own my dream

If only to touch for a moment upon my desires

I would ignite the flame of my willful fires

If only courage was my given name

Happiness then would be my fame

If only I could step outside of this realm of pain

My life would no longer be lived in vain

If only I could conquer these brutal fears

I would banish away my endless tears

If only I could separate myself from grief

I would sigh in the sound of my own relief

If only I lived without conflict and strife

I would then be content and satisfied with life

If only I could make the voices cease

I would then live in a world of peace

If only I could stand obscure among the sheep

I would halt the words and get some sleep
Then I could truly proclaim.....

That I am not insane.....

Khristina Lupinacci 1996

The Spector of Morality" 1996

"Specter Of Mortality"

Clouds sail above me
Like cotton covering pills
The sun goes down on my heart
The avalanche of sacrificing wills
I fuse corrupting poison with evil
Swallowing it into my head
Erecting my hands mirror to deliverance
A tortured ode to chanting dread
With the devil's tongue in my mouth
And God's white glove upon my cheek
I escape the specter of mortality
Eclipsed by the moon the sun is weak
I descend within the dragons mouth
As deaths shadow lurks in the wings
Like emptying the box of cracker jacks
In search of the purest plastic ring
With Pagans and infidels at their post
Extricated from my minds catholic home
Like the fragrance after a rain storm
The cross bleeds ....my hand begins to roam
Crossing over the perils and pitfalls
Into the cellar of galactic desolating hate
The icy tears of yesterdays child still warm
Alas the final confrontation........ I contemplate
Adrift the crossroads of my oasis capturing my eyes rain
Like sending postcards of yesterday to tommorows gate
I hobnob with my sorrow and lionize with my pain
Oblique words and turmoils- wet paint- my muse... my fate
Khristina Lupinacci 1996

Yesterday Lingers 1996

Yesterday Lingers"

Yesterdays shadow still lingers
Upon my sunny day
Clutched still are my fingers
Of all you did not say
The flowers stand within the gardens
The birds still sing their song
Yet, yesterday still wardens
With the breeze of something wrong

Khristina Lupinacci 1996

"The Phantom of Light " 1994

"The Phantom Of Light"
I am the Phantom of a distant light
The warmth of coldness of night
The oceans grander and waves of sand
I am the pulse of a dead mans hand
I rest, deep, setting upon your brow
With yesterdays eternal vow
I am the Phantom of a distant light
Shadows darkened with blissful fright
The flower of life dooming
The fragrance of death blooming
I am the truth of all lies
The hopes of all sighs
I am the angel who bares a horn
The heartbeat, the breath of the unborn
I am beauty to the eyes of the blind
The insanity of an ingenious mind
I am the friend to hostility
The pain off all tranquillity
I am the corfin to your life
The blade of your knife
I am the Phantom of a distant light
I am the glory of the dark of night
Khristina Lupinacci 1994

"Beckoning In Search of Reckoning" 1996

"Beckoning In Search of Reckoning"


Vacant hearted within the realm of my minds home

A fierce awakening ignites my brain to roam

The train door closes, and they come beckoning

Knocking on the chamber door in search of reckoning

Bemoans the grim phantasm of lurid remorse

Decaying war painted walls shed fading moss

Shaking today the skin of yesterdays halls

Flaking dismay and sin as destiny calls


Like sugar in tea, dissolving the pain of history

Disrobing the haunting curse of unfaced mystery

Rouge colored fragments peel and surrender

Carpeting the ground plaguing those who remember

Like lifes recipe, raspberry covered guilt

Every flower deserves the chance to wilt

We preserve the shadows of antique lands

So to see ourselves within ghostly hands

Madness manifests suffocating within the walls

We heed the melancholy screams as insanity calls

Echoing to the parade of marching shadows in white

Whispering secrets to black eyed angels in flight

Merciful wings stir an unrest of self branded humility

The mind spins the revolving doors of hollows futility

Stripped naked in the absence of eternal light

Comes the dawning of ancestral reflection tonight

I ask the vision within the mirror " Are We Happy Yet ?

And she replies with ghostly blackened eyes " Have we met ?

Khristina Lupinacci 1996